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post war product of a fat man's wallet
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| What a waste of a day off |
[Oct. 23rd, 2009|04:18 pm] |
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So I've been reading old journal entries, and it makes it even more noticeable that most of my l.j friends do not come on here and post anything which really, really is a shame. I never thought about it until I looked back and thought "wow, I used to write a lot of stuff openly on these here walls". I read up to October of 2004, and in it, somewhere, JPR told me to never shut up. Then I thought, "wow I really have shut up these days." Then it led me to believe that I am more candid because I hold more secrets and am more afraid and serious about everything. I'm going to be a terribly brooding handsome man soon. I just need to wait till my man-parts grow in.
I want to write more openly again. I think that that is half the reason nobody really comes on here anymore. Perhaps we have all retreated into our little shells and can't be bothered with others. Perhaps it is just that you all are busy. Some of you have left this blog cite for another. Which is pretty saddening. I used to write such ridiculous things on here. I laughed out loud many a time today thanks to back and forth comments and hyjinx galore. I would like to create this again but think that it is too late. Some of my favourite witty banterers have deleted their l.j accounts. That stupid cross mark in front of their names makes me angry with their lack of commitment- and who am I to talk? I perhaps do not shut things off entirely, and delete them from my system- but I let them linger and die like so many insects hanging from pins on the walls.
I am going to a show at Amigos tonight and I think it shall be really good! :) Yay!
There was a time when I was unable to go to shows at Amigos- isn't that just absolutely bizarre? I am an old man.
Also my relationships with certain people on this cite have all changed and rigamaroled. I love looking to the past from the future. It is indeed a crazy ride. I have to go though. I made a big mess in the kitchen making crepes and I do not want to anger my dad!
(I really haven't changed a bit from that 17 year old I used to be- and yet I'm entirely chnaged).
sooo weird.
-Amber- |
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| The lyrics to the song I made up for him. |
[Jan. 4th, 2009|11:51 am] |
Eldon.
I'll never get over the way that you smiled
It just doesn't compare to the weight of your tears
I can hardly believe that these roads are for miles
and you turned the wrong way
and left everyone here.
We've been here before several years ago
when our friend wanted a taste of the bright lights
we had lost his footprints in the snow
and he went too fast for us to follow.
In these sad and lonely times
No one feels they'll get by
but we knew in our hearts we'd be there for you till you die
but we never thought of what we'd do then
we never thought we'd have to
we didn't think ahead.
Oh comrade I know that it has been a long time
since I last saw your face or you saw mine
since I snuck to your place in the middle of the night
or the 4:15 in the morning game last came to life.
Oh brother these memories stab us like knives
and the cutting board counter is ripped up to shreds
I don't know how we will survive
with these memories tearing a whole through our heads.
In these sad and lonely times
No one feels they'll get by
but we knew in our hearts we'd be there for you till you die
but we never thought of what we'd do then
we never thought we'd have to
we didn't think ahead.
It seems like a dead end
a strange way to go
there were people here
I just thought you should know
and you look so happy in all your pictures
your smile never fades
that's how I'll remember you. |
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| Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. |
[Dec. 5th, 2008|05:11 pm] |
The night is probably for Strawberry Daquiris. Tomorrow begins a new year because one ages as quickly as those closest to them and therefore I am both twenty-seven and twenty-three although not yet quite either of the two. Plus I just made that thing about aging up and I really don't see how it is very prophetic at all.
I am dead set to read an erotic novel, but only for an article I am creating surrounding an audio porn that Duff and I once found on the street. The stranger thing about that tape was that one of its female character's was named Amber, but she sounded foreign and I think that was only to make it much hotter. I am just trying to compare it to other non-visual types of sexual stimuli. Who knows what I will discover with such a wonderful experiment entirely lacking a solid hypothesis (but I am pretty sure my hypothesis has something to do with how that audio porn was absolute crap and therefore absolutely awesome!.
I have been gifted heavily from my boss with christmas presents galore and therefore feel a bit guilty that I was late for work this morning. I rearranged wine from dryest to sweetest, and from most expensive to least expensive and felt more in touch with my new full time job. I met one of the crazyest, most interesting people today. He came in and started rambling on about the new world order and how Russia is going to attack us. He asked me if I ever read the Communist Manifesto. I told him "no", even though I have read part of it- but I just had no idea what the Manifesto had to do with anything he was saying, really. I mean, I have taken a Russian history class, I have been obsessed with the Russian past, but I could never again think of them as a threat, for then I would have to think I somehow wanted to dominate them. Conflict theory does not work when there is no competition, and I only wish to share all my power and wealth with my eastern comrades (not to mention that Marx was German so he probably should have mentioned them too). Then he went on to tell me that the world is full of awful people and that Canadians kill 4300 or something of its citizens a year. I knew where he was going with this, but I was hoping for the best. "America kills *another number I don't remember*. "Oh yeah? "I say. "How?" and he replies "Through abortion." Then I say, I don't believe that's murder. And he says "it's a human life- human life begins at conception." And I tried to say something like "I don't really think that's true." Then he says "well you are lucky your mom and dad believed it was or you wouldn't be here." Then he leaves quickly, as to not let me have the last word. I probably would have said something about coat hangers and double death but instead he is gone and I laugh to myself. I think, wow. I really do need to get my customers talking more. That guy was interesting. That guy brought a little bit of flavour to the work place.
I wanted to call Duff and tell him that I have met the real life version of the Joker, what with his absolute non-faith in humanity. I was thinking about the two ships part of the dark knight- I was thinking about nuclear weapons and the cold war.
The other day my roommate, possible cousin, and good friend Justin and I watched "The Graduate" with a young Dustin Hoffman. It was a great movie. At first I told him that I wanted to be a Mrs Robinson when I grew up, but then I watched the movie. She surely gets screwed over! And that's why I won't have a daughter, because she'll steal all my young gentleman callers, haha. Anyway, Justin and I figured out a way we could cut that movie in half. Mrs Robinson would be like "you can date my daughter if you want, I'm not uber crazy and competitive," and then Dustin Hoffman would be like "no." And that would end that chapter pretty damn quickly and then we wouldn't have to listen to that "Are you going to Scarborough Fair" song... which would be good, because as much as I love Simon and Garfunkel, that is one of those songs where I think to myself, "wow. I am still deeply terrified of hippies" because there is never a need to mention spices in a song.
Tomorrow my mother and I put up the ole Christmas tree. Tomorrow I celebrate the birth of one of the greatest people that ever lived, and thank jebus that Jenna-lee was not aborted, for then I would be in the deepest regret that my parents did not abort a little operation I'd like to call "me".
Sincerely, Jackie Chan (Rush Hour 2).
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| and I think to myself... what a wonderful world. |
[Nov. 26th, 2008|10:45 pm] |
So I was robbed at the Pat Sunday night. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking: Amber, why were you at the Pat? This is a good question. I was sitting at home reading my first ever harlequinn romance about an actress and a faking -blind, bad boy cartoonist, and my brother phoned and asked me to drive him and his friends to the Pat. Now, I am always up for helping a brotha out, and I also am pleased when my brother chooses me to do anything for him; so I decided I would. So then my brother wanted to go home a half an hour into it so I drove him home and went back to pick up his friends. His friends did not want to leave so I decided I would dance because I was looking like quite the loser sitting there all by my lonesome. Unfortunately I was trusting enough to leave my purse under my jacket on the table beside the dance floor. I am the fool. When I went to get ready to go home- my purse was missing! Then I finally found the wallet that was inside my purse. My cell phone and my bank card were in there, but a bunch of other stuff was taken out (note: my bank card and cell phone were not there to begin with so they must have took some stuff out like my make up and put these other items in my bag). My phone didn't work. They had taken the battery out of it. I had to buy a new battery for $98 the next day. They took my id, my money, my purse, my make up and pony tail holders (it was clearly a chic), my id, my library card, my health card, and my anti-depressants! And my keys! Now I was quite lucky because I had lost my one set of keys hanging out with my brother's friends the day before, and one of his friends had found it for me and had my extra set so I was able to drive them home. That was a pretty shitty deal for me, but the boys left some chips in my car so I felt I deserved them and went ahead and indulged. And my brother payed me $20. So that... ummm... really doesn't equal the expense of my stolen purse but I should have been more careful anyway.
What sucks the most is that I always get i.d'd so I can't do anything 19 fun until I get my new id. I am hoping I can get my id before Pearson's cd release show on friday. It would suck to miss out on a thing like that. Otherwise I'll be at Chucky Cheese (because they let all ages in- get it- nevermind that there isn't one in saskatoon)!
Tonight I tried Creme Brulee. I keep on buying new shoes and not buying people christmas presents. I am not that great of a person, but I like saying Creme Brulee.
-Amber- |
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| The big news. |
[Nov. 9th, 2008|11:27 am] |
So for those of you who haven't heard (and that would be most of you because I like to keep tight-lipped about such things) I have withdrawn from my internship. It always sounds awful when I say it, or write it because it seems like I gave up, but it really isn't as bad as it sounds, at least for me. When I decided I wanted to teach, I am unsure if my reasons were exactly right, although they seemed that way at the time. It seems so clear to me now what I did, I had good grades and thought "shit, what kind of career am I going to have with graduating with an english or history degree." Now, I like helping people learn, I always have. In math class I used to love helping people out on questions and I love explaining many different things to many different people in many different subjects to people if they do not understand. This made me think that I would love to teach. I also enjoy kids which would convince me that I would be alright for the job indeed. On the other hand, there were a lot of things I didn't factor in: the constant judgement from teachers and students alike. I've never been in a place where you are judged so heavily! People are watching your every move, and even your every day clothing choices ( I unfortunately had quite a bad experience with this- 'because you look like one of them- you have to distinguish yourself more from them- you looked good that one day when you had your hair up and was wearing that dress...'. Now there are times I like being in the spotlight, but most of the time I don't. This came as a surprise to me personally because around my friends I am never shy, but around those that I do not know very well I am intensely shy. More shy than was ever revealed to me before. I also found teaching more times than not, keeping students "good" and teaching the things you are told to as opposed to sharing your deepest passions for the subject matter with the students. Now this was not all the time, for there were many days where I did get to share my passion with the students, but I found that most often than not I wasn't. There were times when the worst in people, including myself were brought out in a public area and I do not like that either. I started having panic attacks when I went to school, and there was not a day that went by that my stomach was not upset. I went to my doctor who perscribed me anti-depressants for my deep anxiety. Soon after it was suggested to me that for my health, I withdraw.
Now, by then, I knew teaching was not really for me. It was suggested to me that I teach just a different grade level, but that was not what I wanted at all. I just wanted to be constantly learning new things and I didn't feel that teaching would do that for me as much as I thought. I also wanted to have time in the evenings and on the weekends to read and write for myself which was denied to me through all the marking and reading up on subject matter I was supposed to teach. During the past month or so I was just hoping to squeek by a pass and just get my education degree so I would never have to teach again. Clearly, this wasn't really a good sign. I liked most of the kids, and I knew the school was probably the best I'd ever get a chance to be in, so this helped to convince me I was making the right decision because I still hated it. Now I am working a full time job at the Sutherland beer store (I started last week) and I am actually enjoying it. I really like that fact that I get to have some physical activity in my job (stocking beer! haha) and I am enjoying the evenings of reading for myself, and I can't wait to get into the groove of writing again. Unfortunately, last night I was trying to write something and couldn't- I had intense writers block and think it was because I was putting too much pressure on myself to create something worthwhile, quickly. I haven't decided what I am going to do with my future, but right now I am happy with the present which has not happened for a very long time. I think what is most important in life, to me, is to have time to learn, time to write, and enjoy myself and the most important thing- the ability to be myself at all times, which I felt, I suppose because of my personality, was denied to me in the teaching field.
I thought I would put this out because I am already tired of talking about it. It is draining to think of all the time I put in, for a dream that was not really my own. I just wanted you guys to know that I couldn't be happier with my decision, and that my only regret was that I didn't notice sooner that it wasn't for me.
-Amber- |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 19th, 2008|11:53 am] |
I ALWAYS feel like writing. I never lose that enthusiasm. I could write all night long on little sleep, wake up again and write. I read and learn and perform or teach or whatever you want to call it, and I never get time to write in a creative manner, my own reflections on these new learnings, these new things happening. This is not, of course, the answer. If I were to start writing now and write forever I would not have much to write about. I am storing ideas upon ideas in my brain and can not wait to get them out of there. All this supression causes me to absorb everything: nachos and waffles and cans and cans of diet drinks.
My favorite thing about teaching is reading the stories and poetry my english classes make. I hope this thing continues going alright and then afterwards I can work on finding the perfect balance between reading, experiencing and writing. Writing keeps me well, and the only reason I am alright now is because I am sharing creativity with the students, and knowing I will have time to write again. I want to give my students a creative outlet in Social Studies as well, but I lack enough time to think up brilliant ideas when I am still learning the content.
If I could be any person in the world, I would choose to be Tina Fey. Because she's an excellent writer, and really funny and so forth and also because of this...
Fey said of the vice-presidential candidate, "I want to be done playing this lady November 5. So if anyone could help me be done playing this lady November 5, that would be good for me." [20] In an interview with TV Guide, Fey reiterated her desire that her role as Palin will be temporary. "If she wins, I'm done," said Fey. "I can't do that for four years. And by 'I'm done,' I mean I'm leaving Earth."[
Since I can't be her- she will be my number one hero. |
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| The Outhouse Indeed. |
[Aug. 31st, 2008|06:38 pm] |
Haha. If someone would have told me in 2003 that I would one day live in the place where I first heard Despistado and Our Mercury I would have said they were cracked out on crack juice. Now the basement is leaking, but the small basement ceiling still coincides with my height. I will have to listen to Our Mercury's "Night of the Year" down there in tribute- "tell me son, is your life in shackles but can you still hear those distant echoes? Of basement shows where all that you did was something better than nothing."
I do not think we will make the basement what it was made that springish night when Jenna-lee and I were supposed to be on our Biology trip, but I know that Anne-Marie, Adam and Justin (with their hip and trendy furniture and entertainment system) have already made the living room into something that I never thought that living room had the potential to look like.. I have contributed little as I do not know how long I am staying there. My room at this moment consists of a tv table and a fold-out chair, haha. When we got there a bunch of stuff from former tenants was left behind. We threw them out the back door to make a statement. I know most of the former tenants and therefore I scowl at you if you left behind anything! *SCOWL* They had to clean most of the house too. There was much "eew"ing going on. I am allergic to the house as well.- Rat bastard cats! I will be full of benadryl. Perhaps this will help me with sleep.
School is already affecting my health. I do not know why I am full of constant worry. My stomach is always upside down. My sleep habits mean waking up at 4am and being too nervous to fall back asleep. I really, really hope I can do this. I really, really hope I survive this semester. If all I was teaching was English I do not believe my stomach would be this way. Teaching Grade 12 social studies as "My class" though is causing this ongoing upset stomach. The english classes remind me that that is where my heart is. English is where the heart is period. My co-op English teacher is not a writer. I feel that the fact that I write gives me something he does not have and I loved helping students write poetry on friday. The students are great for the most part. I've already been asked out to the bar by the only nineteen year old in my class, haha. I respectfully declined.
I miss you guys, and can't wait until I have a life of my own again. (We should just go back in time to the basement shows where all that we did was something better than nothing.)
-Amber- |
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| Up All Night |
[Aug. 3rd, 2008|06:34 am] |
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The city is dead tonight. Even the stars packed their things and moved closer to the water. It's the desert out here. Cacti are the worst kind of lovers, but what a wonderful bloody green they make me! Nothing but cold blooded water hoarders around these parts, but it is all from necessity as they can not make it out to large water bodies, so I try to forgive them. Some of us don't even have water beds, or some of us have water beds but don't have any fish in them. Everyone is not working for the weekend. The song is the voice on the other side of the mirror asking me to remember the other side of loneliness when you are the only one not working for the weekend. I dislike that song so I try not to think about it too much. The hot summer night is cooling down just enough to remind me of my cold blooded tendencies. I cry out for water but it is of no use, as it is salt water and barely could fill a tiny cylinder (which is one of my favorite shapes next to the cone). The wastefulness of this overnight wakefulness is beginning to get to me. I decide that music could be just the water I need and search for some tunes that will bring me a mood that I could at least coincide with. The songs laugh at me with their faith in happiness. Except Benny and the Jets. Elton John is a mad man, and his worst songs are the ones that make the most lyrical sense so I do not complain when he speaks of Benny's electric boots.
How Sunday morning came along, I am not sure. All I know was that I yelled out in the streets and no one responded. I thought isolation was a punishment for doing something socially unacceptable. Perhaps there is a god, then, who is the inventor of the judicial system called Karma. Perhaps long weekends spent inside the walls of the city alone is a precurser for hell. I'd go to church and repent, but who knows what kinds of truth serums god cooks up there. Catholics already drink his real blood every Sunday which is pretty cool because it's the only place we can pretend we are vampires outside of the internet. That holy water is dangerous business though. Yes, a church is probably no place for real vampires, or so we are led to believe. They may thrive on crosses and holy water and those myths could just be made in order to take suspicion of vampiracy away from the catholic church. Let us not forget about vampirates. They are god's masterpiece.
-Amber-
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2008|03:32 pm] |
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-Summer is going to fast. Give me a couple more years!
-I wrote the first scene of my movie. Bill Murray stars in it. It is for my amusement alone. Sometimes people wonder about my sanity.
-Mario 2 is insanity in itself.
-Christian Bale beat up his mom and sister today or last night or something. He can probably no longer be one of my acting heroes.
-I am trying to create unit and lesson plans. For such a creative person- I'm sure copying a lot from the curriculum activity guide...
-Band is going well. We have upped the anty to 2 practices a week. We still have no name, (but many ideas), nor have we played a show.
-Who wants to bring heath ledger back to life with me? they brought buffy back to life in that one show... called buffy... maybe it can be done again!
-i'm trying to stay optimistic but i am terrified... you know... about growing up and all that jazz. |
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| worms die, you know. |
[Jun. 23rd, 2008|12:43 pm] |
It can be tough at times to be clear headed. It can be even tougher when you have a dream of an old English professor asking you when you are going to give up the "teacher charade" when you have untapped potential for other (i suppose english related) things. She pulled me by the ear and down the hallway. I tried to persuade her that I just needed one more year- just let me get my B.ed and then do whatever she thinks I can do. The hallway walk was long and she began to realize that it was too late for this year- she accepted my request.
I am terrified to teach. Why? I have absolutely no idea why it scares me so much. It suddenly seems very wrong and I am frightened that my subconscious is trying to tell me I'm all wrong for this get up. Many people say I'll be good at it, but it is that inner self that is frightening me. It tells me I don't fit in. I've talked about this before, I know- but man. I feel I owe it to my family to achieve something from the university that they have been spending so much money on. If they didn't exist- I have a feeling it would be an entirely different life for me- but then again, who knows. If we hadn't any basic needs, could you imagine the potential we'd have of full happiness?
I watched a worm yesterday. It was one of those ones that grips it's face on the pavement and then pulls it's body up until it's end is right behind its beginning. It moved slowly and painfully but I knew it had a mission, and that mission was simpler and fuller than what I was trying on. I suddenly wanted to be him or her and hated the world for valuing the brain so and pressuring me to use it so much. I know that sounds terrible, but humans have put way to much emphasis on the brain and I don't really believe that it helps me much at all...I feel a bit angry- like how property should be free and how my family should be growing a garden with all that backyard and not even a dog to run around on it. The world is one hell of an unorganized place. I would like to mold it as if it were playdoh and create a more even and sensical setting. I would like to, above all, find out who the hell I am and what I would be like in this more malleable society.
Sorry about the lameness of this entry.
-Amber- |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 19th, 2008|01:02 pm] |
I have a new passion for toaster french toast.
I am upset I looked in the freezer to find ice cream sandwiches because I will have to explain why they all disappeared much too quickly. I'm only on my first and hope I can reject the cravings of one of the tastiest frozen treats in history.
I am on hiatus at the Burger King. I am working at the Sutherland Beer Store. I got in a car accident, and then my mom got in a car accident. We are down to one car. And i need to save up some money to help my parent's pay for the new car...
I am also still working with my professor although it has almost come to an end. I actually really want to finish it so I can start thinking more about the classes I will be teaching in my internship this september.
I am nervous and lacking confidence but I'm also ice cream sandwiching so it is all good.
I am very happy with boy and very happy with "The Hulk" and obviously very happy with Edward Norton.
I am very happy with Pearson playing 'Oh no the robot" the other night.
I am disappointed in George Lucas' Indiana Jones' Ending.
I am very disappointed with the Sex and the City movie.
I have seen a lot of movies lately.
I continue to be challenged by sloth and gluttony and envy those who aren't.
That's only 3/7. I am doing pretty well in the regard.
-Amber- |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2008|07:58 pm] |
Dear J.P.R,
Do not fret. I think I am back to normal. I found another band.
I mean man. I found a man I really like. (Do you really think I'd ever find a band to replace the Kites?)
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For all...
I'll give you a hint...
It's the same man as always! haha!
I don't want to rush anything, but I think it's love...
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Essentially...
What I'm really trying to say is that when you lose your mind and your senses when you lose your boy, it probably means that it is beyond want, and sort of at that need point. I mean I want a lot of things- that is just how I role, but deciphering needs from wants will hopefully help me draw a thick red line between the two as opposed to that thin one that was in place before.
I hope I am not speaking in code.
I just wanted everyone to know that things are much cooler since last Thursday. Last Thursday was quite the emotional roller coaster. Did I mention that I completely had a nervous break down at school and had to go home because I couldn't stop crying and needed to solve some "personal issues"? (also I debated the whole teaching thing because the bus debacle of the previous day- which perhaps will be explained one day)
That morning was probably the worst morning of my life, but then I saw him and he was soft and loving even though he really shouldn't have been. I don't want to forget how important that was. I get scared because I know me. I am more sure and less sure about these things. I made no guarantees or eccentric proclamations of destiny. I finally said "let's keep this in the present forever" as opposed to "let's plan our future right now". I think this is key, especially for an anxiety-filled over-analytical gal like me.
-Amber-
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| Getting Fired, haha. |
[Apr. 27th, 2008|03:20 pm] |
I think I just wrote an Apologia to my professor for my work ethic as of late. I practically told her that I am not myself lately. This had everything to do with my failure, for two weeks, to call someone and ask them how to cite individual songs on ref works, but it also had a lot to do with my failure to really do anything she has been asking of me as of late. I still haven't found out, but now I have called (unsuccessfully- Sunday is not a good day for phone calls). Sometimes one wants to quit life. Really all I want is to alternate my life to consist of sex, drugs and rock n roll (or some better alternative type of music). No one has given me permission to do this yet. The truth is that I need summer, but I have a final tomorrow and in the afternoon begin student teaching for two weeks. Everyone is done school and releasing all the tension. I want a new job (two new jobs as I called in sick for work yesterday, and as I've already stated my work with my professor is tumbling down hill), and I want a new outlook on life!
For a few months now I have been just trying to sneak by unnoticed for my lack lustre attempts at life, but it seems as though I am the one noticing the most, and I become hostile towards others because it is difficult to punch yourself in the face hard enough to make a mark. The internal bleeding isn't good either...
-Amber- |
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| Initiative: Renew Live Journal's Zeal! |
[Apr. 10th, 2008|01:19 pm] |
"If I don't write anything; assume nothing is new at all," is what I told you people in January or whenever that was. Alot has changed since then.
I do not know where to start. I have learned many, many lessons as of late. One is an old one. It is about creating a balance. I have never been good at balance and do not know if I ever will be. My hope was that once I was a teacher I would somehow create a way to balance all my time out, but I hardly believe I will just one day wake up with a plan to balance things out. I do find that obsession with one thing leads to repression of others and once some of the repressions come to the surface it is difficult to cut them off and put them back in the old sub-conscious to be forgotten.
I learned that I am a hypocrate who never knows when her mind will change. Who regrets every decision no matter what decision was made. I am a person who can not deal with restrictions. I am a rule breaker and a rebel at heart, but that is not always a good thing- when I want to rebel against something that never deserved an uprising. I feel I am still a child and will be one all my life. I am wondering how old I will be when I declare myself a recluse. I just can't see myself putting myself together in that way that other people do. Instead of being afraid of becoming boring, I am afraid I'll never become boring. I suddenly just want to blend in.
Today I went to Dalmeny to the high school. It was a surreal experience. I walked in, and learned the names of faculty. I looked at students who looked older than me and were looking at me like I was a new student. I was reminded of the time that Cat was in her halloween costume and everyone thought she was one of the students. That makes me laugh every time I think about it. I may help teach psychology and math on top of social studies and english while I am there. This is very interesting and exciting to me. First I most definitely have to brush up on my math and learn a little about psychology... egads!
I have to study but I don't feel like it right now. I have a take home exam and I wish it was just an inclass test because my bullshitting powers leave me when I am not pressed for time. I feel like I should do more research or something. I think I should go to school and study more because when I am at home it is all about procrastination in the form of baking and eating cookies.
I have my hand in every cookie jar.
-Amber- |
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| Excerpts from "Credo" by Andrew Zawacki |
[Mar. 20th, 2008|09:38 am] |
You say wind is only wind
& carries nothing nervous
in its teeth.
I do not believe it.
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& I
believe a cyclone has secrets the weather is ignorant of
I believe
in the violence of not knowing.
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Let there be no mistake;
I do not believe things are reborn in fire
They're consumed in fire
& the fire has a life of its own. |
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| Delaware are you still there; Is this thing on? |
[Jan. 16th, 2008|11:01 am] |
It is true I still exist. You just would not really know it. My life can be summed up in a short list at this time:
-Assignments.
-Reading assigned texts.
-Purchasing a lap top.
-Wrecking the internet on my home computer by trying to plug in a router to our other firewall router.
-Writing poems about friends, and for friends instead of phoning them.
-Not giving these friends their poems.
-Finishing all three seasons of Lost.
-Playing Pirates of the Carribbean chess.
-Band Practices.
Add Acting for Life on Wednesdays and Public Skating on Tuesdays and you have my life for the next three or four months.
If I don't writing anything; consider that it is possible that nothing new has happened at all.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|08:20 am] |
Well last night, I was thankful I wrote all my happy things in that former blog. Here were two things that filled me with sadness last night...
1.) The Election Results. :( Jenna-Lee and I had a nice discussion about this though and it made me feel pretty good. "Hello my only Comrade" I was heard to remark.
2.) While talking to Duff about how I was going to ask his brother why he voted for the Sask. Party (although I am not at all sure if he did or not he may have been joking ) I said "I'll ask him tomorrow when I bring him his housecoat." although I said "his" housecoat... Duff is a good listener and knew that I was delivering his birthday present to his brother today, (the tomorrow of yesterday). So I had to keep the secret of this one birthday present his mom was going to surprise him with for one more day and i just could not do it. And I can't bluff after a thing like that happens...
*On top of this, he remains unimpressed with the idea of the housecoat. Due to the obscene price of housecoats in this day and age. |
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| monkey see- monkey do. |
[Nov. 7th, 2007|05:43 pm] |
List six things that have made you happy recently, then tag six people to do the same:
1.) My new band rules!!!!!!!!!! It RULES! Consisting of Anatomy of the Graham, Jenna-lee Hyde, and Rory the Swindler- and having our first practice last week and another one this weekend I am thrilled about it all.
Jenna-lee and I have been now known to practice until the wee hours in the morning and get sick because of this.
2.) One of my essays is postponed until "2 weeks after the strike". My god, that could be never! (even though I think i will finish it this weekend.
3.) Like Sadie, I am quite happy with after halloween candy prices!!!
4.) Duff's Birthday evening is tonight. He was just voting! (which is why I am using this time to write)
5.) Hugs!
6.) I am helping my professor think of ways to reform the Education program at the U of S. I feel very important. ahaha. |
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| hell doesn't want them... |
[Oct. 25th, 2007|09:37 pm] |
I keep on wanting to write in this thing but never do. I've been quite busy. My social studies prof. asked me to be her teacher's assistant. I thought this was very nice- but suddenly I'm feeling very reluctant. This is because a lot of people have had problems adjusting to her ways so I always feel like I am doing a bad job of helping to keep her organized. Now that I am feeling this way I am reluctant to do much of the work I should be doing for her and that does not help either. On the other hand, if I would have written in here sooner about such a thing I would have been very, very happy about it.
Duff and I went to see Rob Zombie and Ozzy last night. We only stayed for four of Ozzy's songs. We only really went to see Rob Zombie. I thought Rob Zombie was excellent except for when he played a song where all the videos showed a bunch of women's chests with boobs flopping around- or naked women running around. Then the guitarist decided he would do a solo which took forever. I think Rob Zombie is an artist- in some senses- but definitely not in that way. I was wondering if he wanted me to be so disturbed by the sight. I felt dehumanized and wanted to vomit and cry at the same time. Other than that- thumbs up!
I probably had something saved up for you but I don't anymore.
I want to be a grown up already! On my internship forms I put some of my many interests and then I put "sitcoms of the 80's and early 90's" and I think I may have name dropped "who's the boss". Hopefully this will not deter teacher's from choosing me for their school. ;)
Besides school weighing me down I am truly happy. I just wish I had more time to spend with loved ones.
miss most of you.
-Amber- |
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uncle_noheart's journal